The joys of 30 and the future

Pounds that is. I haven't yet hit that age, although I got my notice in the mail that it is time to renew my license so I can feel it breathing down my neck :)

When I was at my starting weight, I never thought I felt that bad. I knew I didn't have much energy but that wasn't that big of a deal because I've always been basically lazy. Even at 150 lbs, I didn't have much motivation to get off my backside and actually do anything. I knew I had trouble getting up and down but I chalked that up more to being not 12 anymore instead of being overweight. Then I joined WW and lost 30 pounds. Now, at school, I'm able to crouch and tie shoes. I can bend over and pick things up. I have more energy but still not motivation to do anything. Last night TB ended up in the Parade of Lights (apparently, my dad commented that the guy driving the old Willard Fire Jeep had a fire suit on. The asked if they wanted a ride and off they went!) After I stood and watched the end of the parade, I walked to the end of the parade route and saw the front of the parade coming down the street. I decided to walk down the street and catch them and just walk back with them. I caught up with them at West Side Park and walked back to the Orpheum, via Main St. Once they got past the reviewing stand, the rest of the parade really picked up the pace. They were done and the people were done and so they took off to get out of the cold. I ended up jogging (despite not being dressed for it in slip on shoes and jeans) from the News-Gazette office to the municipal lot behind the Orpheum to keep up. The driving asked me if I wanted a ride and I was able to tell him that I was doing fine. And I really was. They got off the float and we hoofed it around front to get inside and I was a little winded but not dying. By the time I got my coat off, I was breathing totally fine. Afterward, we went to 1 Main for the tree lighting and TB and I didn't want to mess with 12 layers of clothes just to get there so we raced from the Orpheum down there and again, I was ok. This is practically a miracle since the last time I worked out was when I was walking TB to school each day in September. Being able to do that kind of thing and being ok makes me want to want to exercise. I still don't actually want to but I fell like I should want to. Strange conundrums.


I left WW in August when I felt like the result wasn't worth the cost anymore. My plan was to go it alone and I haven't been terribly successful at it. I've maintained my weight, which is good but I haven't lost much of anything either. Randomly, I'll get blips in my weigh ins that drop me below 180 but by the next day, I'm back over. I'm not really doing much of anything so I can't really complain much (well, I can, because I can always complain, but I shouldn't). I set a goal to have lost another 30 by the end of the year. I am desperately off track for that, needing to lose something like 10 pounds a week to achieve it. I changed my goal time to my birthday, which brought it down to just over a pound a week. The thing is, I'm not sure if I care enough to do it. I didn't realize I felt bad until I had something to compare it too. Would I feel better another 30 lighter? Probably but I feel good now so how much better? I set myself a goal because I felt like I should set a goal but I'm just not sure if I'm going to do it. I'm at the point that without much thought or deprivation, I can comfortably maintain my weight. While I would like to be 30 pounds lighter, I'm not sure that is maintainable goal. Quigs said to me once that to maintain her weight loss, she would have to track food and go to meetings for the rest of her life and I thought "if the choice is meetings and tracking forever or being fat, I think I'll take being fat". I didn't enjoy WW. The meetings were something I felt like I had to do to lose the weight. Karen was riot but even that wasn't enough to make me feel like it was something I WANTED to do. I took no joy in finding lower point sub for favorite foods. I either didn't eat the food or ate a bit less and I did ok with that until I didn't. It seems like my friends who have been successful in their weight loss find joy and happiness in the process of the weight loss. It might not be easy but they don't find it quite the drudgery that I did. They are ok with the lifetime aspect of it, where I never was. My plan was for it to simply be a short term solution. I don't intent to gain the weight back but I'm not sure I can commit to losing further. Maybe in the spring, when I can start grilling food again (I joined in April and lost all my weight during the summer) and find veggies easily. Or maybe not. I was over 200 pounds for 7 years before some switch flipped in my head that made me decide that I was ready to lose weight. I'd like to not take that long this time around but I know me and really, this might be it for my weight loss.

Having a screaming fit

So last night, after a big fat pity party, I decided that I yell too much. I yell all the time about everything and it isn't cool.

My New Year's Resolution is to try to chill out a little with the kids (RF is still fair game but he is a big boy and can't just deal). Will I never yell? Ha, fat chance of that! But I am trying to not have it be my first response to any negative behavior. So far today, I've been working on it, with mild success. Of course, it is the first day and it is just an anomoly that the kids have actually listened better and fought less but positive re-enforcement is positive re-enforcement and I'll take what I can get! :)

I called it a goal last year and I met both of them to some degree. I didn't lose weight but after I posted, I decided that I didn't care about losing anything, I just wanted to move more and I did. I also paid off the van and over half the student loan. The rest of it will be gone once we get our taxes back this year. So if last year's moderate success is any indication, hopefully this year will be as good (sad that I call less that 50% done success but again, I take what I can get LOL)

Times 100

With the book I started reading yesterday, I'm at 100 books for the year! This was my goal this year and I think I got a little stressed about it at times (like this week)because I found myself reading 2 or 3 books at a time to beef up my list. I finished them all so they all counted but it made me feel better to have them listed. So now I've reached my goal and I have a few more weeks to go. I know that I will finish at least one more book before the end of the year so I'm going to wait until the year is said and done to post my list here. I just couldn't wait another 2 weeks to announce hitting my goal :)

Doing the happy

In a change from the grumpy grumpies of the past week, I have a happy post.

First up, we figured out a work around for the scouting issue. There are 4-H groups in town and they have groups for kids starting at 5! We are going to our first meeting May 10th so YAY! Daddy is still taking C to the scout open house and he might end up doing both but being a former 4-Her myself, I'm way more inclined to lean in that direction. There are just so many options that have nothing to do with camping (I HATE camping) and when they do camp, it is in cabins, which still sucks but way less than being in a tent.

Next, I was griping about my "economic stimulus" rebate not being here yet because I seriously want to stimulate the economy in the worst way. I was also missing about $800 from my refund because a form didn't get sent in. I figure we won't get the rebate direct deposited because of the error on our return. We called and found out that they had processed the rest of our refund and are sending it and it should be here in 2-3 weeks, probably closer to 2. YAY!! That means I will have some money to take on vacation with us which is super! Then when I get the rebate, I can pay off my student loan and free up a little more money. Hooray!!

Next up, I toured the preschool that I think we are going to send Lizzie to. It was a little chaotic and kind of crowded, but she seemed to LOVE it. It is at the local high school and it has a head teacher and a bunch of high school students working with the kids. It ends up being 1 or 2 big kids to each little kid so there is a ton of supervision (although, while I observed, I could definately tell who was there for easy credits and who really wanted to work with kids). the first words out of the teacher's mouth were "I don't believe in paper and pencil preschool. Kids this age need to play" and I nearly hugged her! That is so nice to hear. She told me that they go through May 22nd and if Lizzie wants to join them for the next couple of weeks, she can. I'm seriously thinking about doing it. That way, I can see if she likes it and if she does, she will have something to look forward to in the fall. Plus having a few hours a week to do things would be SUPER!

If she does that, I'm having dh join the gym at work and I'm going to get serious about getting in shape since I would be able to run over there for an hour while she is in school and still have time to shower and pick her up before lunch. The only problem is going to be having such a late nap. I'll have to have food in the car for her when I pick her so she can eat on the way home and still get down at a reasonable time.

Finally, I had a dream the other night that K and Looseyfur and I were all in high school together. It was a pretty standard "teen comedy" scenerio where we got up to all kinds of hi-jinks before learning some valuable lesson in the end. Nevermind the fact that we are fairly different ages and wouldn't have been in school at the same time, even if we were from the same place :)

Goals for 2008

I don't make resolutions because they aren't realistic and it seems very sheepy (baa). However, I have some goals for the upcoming year.

Broad goals:
Lose weight
quit being poor

The smaller sub goals:

Weight:

Become more active (possibly joining a class or sport of something)

Monitor what I eat (I don't diet, I hate being deprived of anything and dieting makes my crazier than normal)

Quit eating just to eat. Just because there is food around, doesn't mean I need to eat it.

Only eat when I'm hungry and only until I'm comfortable. I tend to stuff myself to the point of sickness and that isn't good for anyone.

Poor:

QUIT SPENDING SO FREAKING MUCH MONEY ALL THE TIME. This is obviously a big one. I don't need coffee all the time, Lizzie doesn't need to go to tag along gym every week, etc etc.

Pay off the van. Previously mentioned $2k plus taxes makes a good portion of the total amount owed. That will free up a couple of hundred dollars a month.

Pay off student loan with extra from van.

Save the money that was being spent on the van and the loan for a DP on a new car when dh's car quits (it is 7 years old and still in good shape, but better to be prepared for when it happens than to be blindsided)

Shop smarter. Maybe coupons or really chasing sale. I seriously need to cut our food budget. This partly goes with the weight loss, but I need to start cooking and serving realistic portions. We end up with a ton of leftovers that usually get thrown out because we don't eat much leftovers. I also need to cut back on the meat that we use. For example, we use 2 pounds of hamburger for goulash. We could totally get away with only one lb.