Just say it

I'm reading this book that is pretty decent overall. The issue that I have with it is the main character is sort of maybe but not really dating this guy. Every other paragraph is her talking about how she doesn't know if they are a couple and doesn't want to say anything that might indicate that in case they aren't and he bolts because coupledom scares him but she doesn't want to ask either, blah blah blah.

Why, oh why do people not just say the things they mean and ask for what they want? Why do people beat around the bush, use double speak and agonize ENDLESSLY over insane stuff like that? I was NEVER that way so I simply don't understand the motivation.

If you like someone, you tell them. If they like you back, they should tell you. If they don't like you back, they aren't worth your time to begin with so why all the stress? If you don't like them, you need to tell them. Leading them on and trying to be "nice" only causes problems. You can be blunt and to the point without being a jerk (which was the other thing I was thinking about writing but they work together so you all get one post today).

Today on the radio the email was basically "I have a co-worker that is an Oprah nut. She insists on recapping the show for me, at length everyday. I don't like Oprah, what can I do" Many of the calls were suggestions like "save all your important work until she shows up and claim to be too busy to talk" "rat her out the boss for spending so much time not working" etc. Only one caller suggested watching an episode, then telling you aren't a fan.

My suggestion? Be blunt but don't be a jerk. The person could tell her "I understand that you a huge Oprah fan but I'm just not. I'm here to work, not to listen a description of a show I don't like". And walk away. End of story. You aren't hiding from her or lying to her (which will only bite you in the ass). Just say what you mean. No need to make anything more complicated than that.

Relationships

I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about a woman that had an issue with her boyfriend looking at X-rated pictures. I fail to understand that issue. If he loves you then what do you care who or what he looks at? If he doesn't love you, why are you waiting your time? Don't you have better things to do with your life? I think that stems from my whole attitude on dating and even just friendship. I'm not quick love or even like people. In fact, I'm way more inclined to hate than love (which I realize is probably unhealthy but it is the way I am and I doubt I'm changing).

Most, except for a VERY select few, start firmly in the dislike catagory for me. A popular refrain in our house is "I hate people" and that is generally true. With some minor effort people can be moved from "active dislike" to "tolerate". It requires amazing feats (and a smart mouth never hurts since I can fully appreciate sarcasm) to be moved to the "actively likes" catagory. And they need to be quick because I don't have the time or energy for repeat exposures. A handful of chances is all you really get.

As I've gotten older, I have even less time for non-productive relationships. When I was a teenager, I had so many TERRIBLE friends. Not only were they not good friends, they weren't even good people. I got into more trouble in the few months I was friends with them than I did at ANY other point in my life. Fortunately, I outgrew that need to be around people who weren't good for me and I have been much more selective about the people that I allow to move into the "friend" catagory and my life is so much better for it.